I think the fear of doctors thread is difficult for women to understand because women are much more familiar with seeing a doctor starting early. Age 16 you start seeing a doctor yearly (at least) in most cases. And embarrassment over doctors visits is thus lower for women (I think) simply because there are regular visits that make it all feel more familiar. I can’t tell you how many middle aged men tell me that they have never had a regular doctor or have not seen a doctor except for the rare emergency.
Talking about sexual health for men is a mine field because many of us connect our sexual abilities with our self worth. If we are not functional we are worthless or broken etc. Telling anyone is difficult. Telling a doctor who is a total stranger to us? Well it becomes much more difficult.
I think some spouses sense how uptight their men are and don’t want to “make it worse” by talking about it. This may seem like a good thing but not working on it lets it get pushed under the rug. And the longer its pushed under the rug the more the man thinks “This must not be important to her” And speaking for myself I had some really odd ideas about female sexuality until I found this forum. I figured my wife was probably relieved to not have to deal with my sexual needs.
So, what to do? Find a way to talk about it. Verbal, email, Text messaging or whatever works. Face to face “WE HAVE TO TALK” may not be the best approach.
Men and doctors is complicated. Some may need to go see a doctor and form a relationship before they blurt out their sexual issues. Some may find that having a written script is of value. Others may find that having their spouse along to speak up and do some of the talking is of great value. And will avoid the following type of visit.
Doctor “How are you?”
Guy “I’m fine”
Doctor “Ok, eat right and stop smoking see you in a year”